Seven things you should say to your kids – and seven things you shouldn’t
by Cynthia Dermody

The buzzer sounded in the gym and the basketball game was over. Even though 12-year old CJ Givens’s team had lost, his aunt Melanie was nonetheless ecstatic. CJ had scored every single one of his team’s 24 points – including a couple of three-pointers. As he loped over to his family waiting in the bleachers, the hugs and compliments started flying: ‘You were awesome!’ ‘Way to hustle for all those points!’

Then CJ’s aunt said, ‘Now, if you could just help your teammates play as well as you do, you guys would be unstoppable!’

What do you mean?’ CJ said defensively. ‘I did the best I could! What didn’t I do right?’ His aunt couldn’t understand the boy’s reaction. She’d just finished showering him with praise.

‘The message CJ got was that he didn’t do enough,’ explains child psychologist Vicki Panaccione, PhD, founder of the Better Parenting Institute in Melbourne, Florida. ‘His aunt was telling him he was fabulous, he could be a mentor to his teammates. But that’s not he heard, because of the words she used.’

A parent, or anyone else who interacts regularly with kids, knows that communicating effectively with them can be difficult.

In CJ’s case, his aunt simply explained herself and the boy later calmed down. But common words and phrases, no matter how well-intended, can do a lot of emotional and psychological harm. Young brains are still developing through the teen years, and kids can’t be expected to process words, context and nuance (sarcasm, for instance) the same way that an adult’s brain does.

If you want children to grow up into the best possible versions of themselves, it’s crucial to replace damaging words in your vocabulary with alternatives that help build character. Some of the things parents say to kids seem harmless or even constructive on the surface, but experts say, they may hurt more than help. Here are seven of these common phrases, and alternatives to get your message across in a better way.

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This is a set of Jeff’s school uniform. No, he is not taking up a medical course. In fact, he is only in 5th grade. The school was founded by a doctor; this may be the reason why from pre-schoolers to grade schoolers to high school students and most of the college students wear white. Well, whatever the reason is, whites are hard to keep whites, aren’t they? That’s why my battle against stains seems endless for years. Here’s a tip I read from my RD which I want to share with you. Enjoy reading!

Stains are inevitable but there’s no need to resort to harsh chemicals to deal with them.

1. Take immediate action. The faster your act, the better your chances of completely removing the stain.

2. Mop up the excess. Try to blot up as much of a spill as possible with a clean rag and paper towel. Lift off solids with a knife blade.

3. Don’t let the stain dry out. If you can’t deal with it straight away, sponge the stain with cold water, spray it with soda water or cover it with a damp towel.

4. Re-lubricate a dry stain. If a stain does dry (or you find an old one), rub it with vegetable glycerin before removing it.

5. Don’t use hot water. It ‘sets’ many stains, making them much more difficult to remove. Always use cold or tepid water when you first tackle a stain.

6. Start with the gentlest approach. Quite often, all you need for removing a stain is soda water or a soapy solution.

7. Always move from the outside in. To avoid leaving a ring, start from the outer edge of a stain and work towards the center.

8. Don’t scrub at a stain. Instead, place an absorbent pad beneath the stain and dab it with the remover solution, forcing it through the fibers. Change the pad frequently.

9. Work from the back of the fabric to the front. If possible, place the absorbent pad on the stain itself on the right side of the fabric and apply stain remover from the wrong side of the fabric.

10.In the case of stain removal, more is not necessarily better. If a cleaner is not working, don’t increase the strength of the solution. Rinse it away, and try something else.

source: Reader’s Digest June2008 issue, pg140

With school back in session, here are tips from Oxford Learning to get your kids through school and dreaded exams.

Kids

1. Listen and hear. Pay attention in class. Jot notes on the main ideas. Don’t understand something? Make a note and ask someone to explain it to you.
2. Ace your homework. Use a planner to enter your homework as soon as it’s assigned. Pick a comfortable place to do homework and study.
3. Study effectively. Divide material into units and assign each unit a day. Give yourself a three-day break before the test. Study in short bursts – then take a five-minute breather to exercise and re-focus. Use Oxford’s SQRCRC method to study:
Survey introductions, headings and summaries for main ideas.
Question: “What do I hope to learn by reading this?”
Read for details.
Cover the work.
Recite what you’ve just read.
Check how well you have done.

Parents

1. Help your child prepare a study schedule, and review it together every morning.
2. Create a special work environment that encourages best efforts and makes it easier for your child to get into study mode.
3. Get involved. Your interest shows them that school is important.

source: Reader’s Digest Jan2008 issue, pg138