We Filipinos are known to be one of the most hospitable citizens of the world. I’m not going to brag, but this is true. Ask anyone who had visited our country and been to our hotels and restaurants, and that person will probably tell you how good the services are. We welcome guests, local and foreign, warmly. In fact, many establishments even get out of their way to meet their clients’ needs. An example of that is a funeral parlor that has put up this sign on its door.

Yes, and it belongs to the one which is only a few meters away from our place. Come to think of it. They are so hospitable they are happy to do business with you again

There was this Filipino kindergarten teacher and she was teaching her class how to do the hokey-pokey. She started off by saying, ‘You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put your right feet in . . . . .’ Suddenly, one of the children said, ‘Teacher, you have to say ‘foot.’ So the teacher said, ‘You ‘foot’ your right feet in, you ‘foot’ your right feet out . . . . .’

Yes, just like that one, many Filipinos are being joked around because of mispronouncing the letter F to a P and vice versa, as well as the letters V and B – foot or feet to poot or peet, put to fut, victory to bictory, possible to fossible, half to halp, beautiful to veautipul, company to comfany, and worse, part to fart and many others. Same problem goes to words with ‘th’ like three and thought, which sadly, we still hear many say tree and tot. We call it ‘the F froblem’ or ‘the V provlem’. Luckily, I am not one of them.

There was this one time in Octover, err, October, a week before the UN Day celebration at Jeff’s school where he represented Greece, I went out to look for a Greece flag. Since schools here in Quezon City are celebrating the same special event, I went from store to store disappointed. They were out of flags! Even a National Bookstore branch near our place ran out of stock. Since I was in a mall that particular day, I made one desperate move in hopes of finding a flag. I went inside Home Works, a store where you buy stuff for your house – furniture, appliances, lighting fixtures, bathtubs, tools and other supplies. They are also selling notebooks, calculators, pens and stuffs like that so I tried. As I entered, I immediately looked for a sales staff to ask if they sell flags. I saw this lady and asked, ‘Miss, meron ba kayong tindang flags?’ (Miss, do you sell flags?)

She politely replied, ‘Meron po. Dito po tayo, ma’am’ (Yes, we do. It’s over here, ma’am).

Full of hope, I followed her as she happily led me to a glass display cabinet and pointed to the things inside it. ‘Ito po.’ (Here they are).

My smile of hope turned to surprise as my jaw dropped 6 feet below sea level. She had just led me to a cabinet full of PLUGS – electrical plugs! All the while, she thought I was looking for plugs when I clearly said flags.

I left the store disappointed for not being able to buy what Jeff needed for the competition, but at the same time trying not to laugh at what just happened. Oh, some feofle! Why are they like that?  Well, at least, I found a ‘real’ flag days before the program itself.

Btw, it’s oppicial.  JC won the title of the Pirst Finoy Sole Surbibor

image from: Real Skeptic for the plug, Angel Tintin for the Survivor Philippines logo and previous post for the Greece flag

Oldies but goodies.  Enjoy!

A Pinoy is having his snack (bread and ube jam), when a Caucasian American man, chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Pinoy ignores the Caucasian American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Caucasian American: ‘You Filipino folks eat the whole bread?’

Pinoy (in a bad mood): ‘Of course.’

Caucasian American: (after blowing a huge bubble) ‘We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into pandesal and export them to the Philippines.’

The Caucasian American has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence.

The Caucasian American persists: ‘D’ya eat jelly with the bread?’

Pinoy: ‘Of course’.

Caucasian American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). ‘We don’t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and left-over in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and export them to the Philippines.’

The Pinoy (kind of pissed na!) then asks: ‘Do you have sex in America?’

Caucasian American: ‘Why? Of course we do’, with a big smirk.

Pinoy: ‘And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?’

Caucasian American: ‘We throw them away, of course.’

Pinoy: ‘In the Philippines, we don’t throw them. We put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to the States.’

image from: BBC Sport

Thumbs down for you and your commercials.

Senators Loren Legarda and Manny Villar

Tsk, tsk, tsk . . . . .

Lalake:  Pag kasal na tayo, magkasama na nating haharapin ang mga problema.

Babae:  Pero wala naman akong problema.

Lalake:  Kasi nga hindi pa tayo kasal!

Here is another joke sent to me via SMS.  I like it as it shows how ‘genius’ Filipinos are.  Enjoy, people!

Pedro: Miss, magkano serbisyo mo?

GRO: P500 sa kama, P300 sa sofa, P200 sa sahig at P100 sa damuhan.

Pedro: Sige, P500!

GRO: Wow, bigatin! Sa kama?

Pedro: Hindi! Limang beses sa damuhan!

A Pinoy went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol. After a couple of beers, the Pinoy sensed that Spielberg was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash, the Pinoy crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the director.

Picking himself up, he yelled, “Wat da hell is dat por?”

Spielberg ranted: “That’s for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you #@@!!##! My dad perished in that bombing!”

“#@@!!##! I am not Jafanese, you stufid Nincomfoof! I am Pilifino!” exclaimed the Pinoy.

The inebriated director replied, “Yeah yeah yeah…Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Filipino …you’re all the same!”

Regaining his composure, the Pinoy dusted off his white pants, straightened the collar of his loud bird-of-paradise printed shirt, took his seat and ordered a double R&B from the bartender. After a few sips, the Pinoy stood up and delivered his best Jackie Chan karate kick, sending the director flying halfway across the room. “What was that for?!!” shouted the surprised Spielberg from about fifteen feet away.

“Dat’s por da sinking of da TITANIC! I had my grandpader on dat shif!” the Pinoy answered back.

“You ignorant Chink! The TITANIC was sunk by an iceberg!” exclaimed the director.

“Yah yah yah…Iceberg, Sfielberg, Carlsberg… you are all the same . . …. also!”

This would give you guides on how to control your emotions towards your better-half, friends, officemates and all the people around you, especially your ‘boss’. The rules of practicing “ugaling langit, ugaling kaaya-aya” :

#1 Ang naunang magalit ang may karapatang magalit. Pag naunahan ka na ng galit niya, tumahimik ka na lang muna.

#2 Walang taong nag-aaway mag-isa. Pag hindi kayo sumagot o pumatol, titigil din daw ang taong nakikipag-away sa inyo.

#3 Ang taong galit, ‘bingi.’ If someone is angry, wala raw pinakikinggan, so, don’t try to explain and fight back. Hindi ka niya iintindihin dahil wala siyang naririnig kundi ang sarili nya.

#4 Ang taong galit, ‘abnoy.’ Ayon sa pastor, Biblical daw ito? Because the Lord said when He was crucified, ‘Father, patawarin mo sila dahil hindi nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa.’ Modern term for these kinds of people are abnoys, so you better not get angry para huwag kang matawag na abnoy.

You should also know and realize that the persons who make your day bad are jewel, because you need them for you to mature. Hangga’t andyan daw sila at kinaiinisan mo, ibig sabihin, immature ka pa. God will not take away those people; it’s for you to take away your bad feelings towards them. You’ll know na mature ka na pag dumating ‘yung time na hindi ka na naiinis sa mga taong ito because you have learned to accept them and to have patience with them.

#5 Finally, the best part of this is to tell yourself na, because of this person, ‘I will grow mature,’ and that DAHIL SA CONTRIBUTION NIYA SA MATURITY MO, KUKUNIN DIN SYA NI LORD.

Datapwat hindi ako nakakasiguro sa lahat ng aking mga sagot, susubukan kong bigyang liwanag ang ilan sa iyong mga katanungan…

Ang isa kong kaibigan ay mayroon lang mga ilang katanungan na matagal ng bumabagabag sa kanyang araw-araw na pamumuhay. Maaaring ang iba rito ay alam na rin ninyo ngunit walang tumpak na makapagbigay ng akmang kasagutan o pagpapaliwanag. Ito ay ang mga sumusunod:

1. Ang squidballs ba ay bayag ng pusit?
Ang squidballs ay hindi bayag ng pusit …baka bayag ni Tiya Pusit.

2. Pwede bang uminom ng softdrink kapag coffee break?
Pwedeng uminom ng softdrink kung coffebreak ngunit kailangan itong lagyan ng asukal at kopimeyt. Kopimeyt dapat at huwag gatas (milk in my cereal, kopimeyt in my pepsi. sounds good to me!)

3. Pwede bang gamitin ang a.m. radio pag gabi na?
Maari lamang gamitin ang a.m. radio kapag gabi kung ang iyong pakikinggan ay o.p.m.

4. Ang fire exit ba ay labasan ng apoy?
Ang fire exit ay ginagamit lamang bilang labasan ng apoy kapag may sunog. Ito ang kanilang daan upang sila’y makatakas o ang tinatawag na “fire escape”.

5. Ang uod ba pag namatay ay inuuod din?
Ang tao kapag namatay ay hindi tinatao. Malamang ang uod ay hindi rin inuuod. Kung ang tao ay inuuod kapag nalagutan ng hininga, siguro ang uod kapag namatay ay tinatao.

6. Totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jollibee ay masasaya kaya sila tinawag na chicken joy?
Ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jollibee ay masaya kung kaya’t sila’y tinawag na chicken joy. Ngunit hindi kinakailangang sa jollibee patayin ang manok upang ito ay maging masaya… ang mga manok ay nagiging masaya kapag sila ay may kasama sa buhay. Kapag ito ay nag-iisa lamang, ito ay hindi chicken joy kundi …mcchicken singles. (Ang pinakamasayang manok sa lahat ay iyong 6 pcs. chicken mcnuggets o tinatawag na “ o-r-g-y” sa inggles)

7. Mayroon bang kahit isang langgam na mahilig sa maalat?
Alam na ba ninyo iyong patawa na “itlog maalat”? Nakagat ako minsan ng langgam……. kung nakagat ka na ng langgam sa itlog, ibig sabihin marami ring langgam mahilig sa maalat.

8. Kung ang 7-11 store ay bukas 24 hrs a day , 7 days a week, at 365 days a year. Bakit may lock pa ang pinto nila? Bakit? Bakit?
Dalawa ang dahilan. Una, may coffee break (tingnan ang katanungan bilang 2 hinggil sa maaaring inumin kapag coffe break) din naman ang mga nagtatrabaho sa 7-11. Pangalawa, mayroon tayong tinatawag na leap year.

9. Bakit di mataas ang highway?
Dahil kung mataas ang highway, walang paglalagyan ng skyway.

10. Ba’t alang lumilipad na sasakyan sa flyover?
Hindi lang natin nakikita ang mga nagliliparang sasakyan sapagkat hindi tayo tumutingala kapag tayo ay nasa flyover. Ang pagsalin ng dayuhang salita na flyover sa katutubong wika ay “fly”-lipad, “over”-sa ibabaw. Ibig sabihin nito na ang mga kotse ay hindi lumilipad sa flyover ngunit sa ibabaw ng flyover. Ngayon kung titingala ka naman kapag
ikaw ay nasa flyover ang tangi mong makikita ay ang kisame ng iyong sasakyan. Alam kong wala sa inyong mayroong sasakyan na Miata, Boxster, Kompressor, Z3, Z8 at kung ano-ano pang kotseng pang-mayaman kaya’t huwag na kayong magpumilit mamilosopo… ako lang ang may karapatan. Kung idadahilan niyo naman na mayroon kayong sunroof, hanapin ninyo ang inyong tinatawag na “sense of humor”. Namamatay ng maaga ang palaging seryoso.

Sana ay nasagot ang ilan sa inyong mga katanungan sa buhay. Kung mayroon pang ibang bagay na bumabagabag sa iyong isipan huwag kayong mag-atubiling ilapit sa mga kina-uukulan o kaya sarilinin nyo na lamang para di kayo pagtawanan.

At lagi rin sana nating tandaan ang dayuhang salawikain na “ask a dumb question and you’ll get a dumb answer.”

Maraming salamat at walang anuman