That’s my husband, Dario, showing off one of his ‘macho’ poses.

And this is me giving him a ‘come hither’ smile

January05 is our anniversary date. And as if God was trying to send me a message, the Daily Bread story for that day was entitled The Waiting. All my readers know that I share some good reads here from my Our Daily Bread 2008 diary which was given to me by a friend. The reason why I was not able to post this on the day of our anniversary itself was that this blog started on February – a month later. Anyway, if you have read this post, you will understand what this is all about.

The Waiting
(Abraham) believed in the Lord, and He accounted it to him for righteousness. – Genesis15:6

Any mother can tell you that waiting to give birth is an experience that builds patience. But pity the poor mother elephant. It takes about 22 months for an unborn elephant to mature to birth! The shark known as the spiny dogfish has a pregnancy duration of 22-24 months. And at elevations above 4,600 feet, the Alpine salamander endures a gestational period of up to 38 months!

Abraham could have identified with these examples from nature. In his old age, the Lord made a promise to him: ‘I will make you a great nation’ (Gen12:2). But as the years passed, Abraham questioned how the fulfillment of the promise was possible without even the basic bulding block of a son (15:2). So God assured him, ‘One who will come from your own body shall be your heir’ (v.4).

Despite his advanced age, Abraham believed God and was called righteous (v.6). Yet he waited 25 years from the time of the initial promise for Isaac to be born (17:1,17).

Waiting for God’s promise to be fulfilled is part of trusting Him. No matter how long the delay, we must wait for Him. As the writer of Hebrews reminds us, ‘Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful’ (Heb10:23). – Marvin Williams

Not so in haste, my heart! Have faith in God, and wait;
Although He seems to linger long, He never comes too late. – Torrey

God always performs what He promises.

(Also read: Genesis15:1-6, Genesis13-15, Matthew5:1-26)

Here’s a little something for our husbands this Father’s Day . . . . .

by Melanie T. Lim

Where do you find good ones? I’ve been asked so many times. Well, how would I know? I never found one for myself.

What’s a good husband, anyway? Someone who runs at your bidding? That would be your dog. Someone who lets you shop till you drop? That would be your father. Someone who listens to your never-ending woes? That would be your best friend. Someone who loves you no matter what? That would be your mother. Someone who knows exactly how to bring you pleasure? That would be you.

I think men who make good husbands abound. But what is good for one woman is not necessarily good for all. One man can make one woman, a good husband. The same man can make another, a lousy one. We grow up in different homes. We come from different backgrounds. And so we bring different expectations to a marriage.

One woman expects love and fidelity. Another expects financial security. Some women marry for love. Others marry for tradition. Some women expect bliss after the wedding. Some women expect sacrifice. Some women are forgiving. Some women are not open to compromise.

Different expectations conjure up different images of good husbands. Who doesn’t want a man who can cook, who can write poetry and who can move your furniture around when you want to? Well, I don’t. I want a man who can do what I can’t do. But that, my mother would say, is my biggest problem. But I don’t have a problem with a man not knowing how to do the things I can do. It’s he who usually has a problem with that.

There is no perfect man. But there is a perfect match for every woman. Most people think that like minds make a perfect match. But how much passion and excitement can you bring into a relationship when you both love pasta, salsa and Salvador Dali? If we thought, ate and dressed completely alike, how far could we really grow beyond ourselves and our common interests?

I think that a good husband is someone who does not necessarily love and like everything that you think, say or do but someone who endeavors to accept your eccentricities and experiences because his love for you is larger than his priorities and preferences. A good husband is a man who loves you for who you are and all that you hope to be in an imperfect world.

At different times in my life, I vacillated on the best reason for getting married. When I was young and starry-eyed, it was love. When I grew older and bitter, it became convenience. Now that I am yet much older but unexpectedly happier, I believe with all my heart that it should never be for anything but love.

So, where do you find good husbands? Well, every woman should know. Looking for a good husband is much like going shopping. When you know what you want, it’s fast and easy. But when you walk aimlessly through the mall, you mostly end up with impulse goods or nothing at all. If you want to find the man you want, you need to find yourself first. After all, it’s pretty easy to find what you want when you know what it is, even in the crowd.

Marriage may be a two-way street, but that doesn’t mean you should travel in opposite directions. Experts know what steers good marriages; here are some couple-strengthening tips:

1. Talk, but don’t talk back. Tell your partner how you feel and what you need. When you’re the listener, don’t criticize, debate, dismiss or problem0solve. Recognize your partner’s concerns are as important as yours.
2. Be optimistic. Keep your comments positive – even when discussing problems – and make the effort to remember and appreciate the good in your relationship.
3. Learn to leave an argument before it’s out of control. Tactics include cracking a joke, showing appreciation and backing down.
4. Share your dreams. And find a way to help your spouse realize his or hers.
5. Be flexible. When your spouse asks you to be accommodating, try.
6. Go on a date. Couples need time as twosomes, to reconnect.

source: Reader’s Digest May2008 issue, pg132

Please follow the steps below and you will find out why.

Put your hands together like this on the picture below:

Try to separate your thumbs. The thumbs represent our parents. They can be separated because all humans go through sickness and death, which means our parents will leave us one day.

Please close your thumbs together again, then open your second fingers. These fingers represent our brothers and sisters. They will have their own family, which is why they will leave us too someday.

Now close your second fingers again, then separate your little fingers. These represent your children. Sooner or later, they too will leave us for they have their own lives to live.

Now put them together again and try to separate your fourth fingers in which we put our wedding rings on. You will be surprised to find that it cannot be separated at all. This is because they represent husbands and wives. In your whole lives, you will be attached to each other. Real love will stick together forever and ever.

Remember:
Thumbs represent parents
Second fingers represent brothers & sisters
Middle fingers represent own self
Fourth fingers represent your partner
Small fingers represent your children

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My mother doesn’t really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn’t know that either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She’s hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She’s way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

Every marriage is unique, but most follow a similar path that flows through seven distinct stages. Understanding the work required at each can give you a road map for handling rough times, and help you and your spouse focus on how to be happy, secure and satisfied.

Stage1: Passion. The honeymoon phase, when romance and intense attraction lead to commitment.

Stage2: Realization. Disappointment and conflict mark this unavoidable period. The challenge? Laying the groundwork for a long future together.

Stage3: Rebellion. Self-interest versus shared interests. Knowing the difference between a destructive desire to flee and a healthy need to be your true self is this stage’s key test.

Stage4: Cooperation. In time, marriage means managing money, building careers, raising kids. Going from lover to partner to parent can get rocky.

Stage5: Reunion. Once the kids are grown, then what? For happy couples, it’s time to enjoy each other again. But the ideal can be hard to achieve. Passion’s embers need stoking; expectations need rejiggering.

Stage6: Explosion. Job loss, health woes, illness or death in the family – such events can come in waves. Will your marriage be a source of solace or sorely tired by new roles, limitations and fears?

Stage7: Completion. Marital bliss often soars after decades together because ‘knowing’ each other now has a deeper meaning – and a bigger payoff.

source: Reader’s Digest Feb2008 issue, pg74

see also Seven Secrets to a Sexy Marriage

The Love You Want
by Sari Harrar and Rita Demaria (from The 7 Stages of Marriage)

Every marriage has its bumps, and they can pop up at any time. What’s important is that you learn to navigate them smoothly – before they send your relationship into a ditch.

No matter how far along the marriage highway you’ve gone, there are some simple, fundamental rules of the road. Putting them into practice isn’t always easy, but it’s critical. If you do play by the rules, you’ll make your marriage stronger, and the good stuff – fun, sex, trust, affection – will be better than ever.

1. Build up your love balance. Boredom, frustration and everyday irritations can douse the spark between you and your spouse – and more of the same certainly won’t feed the flame. Making the good stuff your top priority will. Here’s how to do it:

First, consider that it takes up to 20 positive statements top outweigh the harm done by one negative one – or by a steely squint or impatient ‘humph.’ So do more of the former, less of the latter. Compliment your wife on her new shoes, or your husband on his new shirt. Thank him for helping around the house. Dial her office for a quick ‘thinking of you’ check-in (don’t discuss household chores or bad report cards).

Be sure these compliments and thank-yous are heartfelt and specific: ‘I can always count on you to make sure my car is safe and ready to use.’ ‘This new tablecloth is nice – you’re always thinking of ways to make our home pleasant.’ Make eye contact when you smile or deliver a compliment. Try a little joyful noise (a happy sigh, say) when giving a loving touch.

Once you take this approach, you’ll realize that, in addition to knowing how to push Mr. or Mrs. Right’s hot buttons, you know how to push his or her joy buttons too (and we don’t just mean sex). After all, that’s how this whole thing started. It won’t be long before you appreciate that it’s always the right time for small acts of love. Give him a ’glad to see you’ hug and kiss when you get home. Surprise her with coffee in bed on a rainy Sunday (then stay to talk). Revel in the best qualities; let faults slide. Resolve to enjoy a long kiss before you turn in each night. You do little things for your kids. Why not for your spouse?

2. Reach out. Human touch aids the release of feel-good endorphins, for giver and receiver. So link arms as you walk into the grocery store. Brush her cheek with your fingertips when you smooch good morning. Revive the ways you touched in the early days – a kiss on the back of the ear, a hand through her hair. Touch is a complex language. It pays to improve your vocabulary.

Adding more of this kind of touch will help you build a fortress of love. That’s important, because a couple who form a tight unit can weather any storm (and are able to stave off infidelity). How do you build this bond? First, support your soul mate. Take his or her side whenever possible if trouble arises in the ‘outside world.’ Keep your spouse’s secrets to yourself, even when everyone at work spills theirs. Except in a true emergency, don’t let anything interrupt ‘us’ time. That’s why voice mail and bedroom-door locks are for.

Speaking of ‘us’ time: Make a commitment to spend up to 30 minutes a day chatting with each other about everyday plans, goals and, yes, dreams. One rule: no household management or ‘what about our relationship’ talk. This is time to build a friendship. Studies show that being friends pays off over time, ensuring a closer, sexier union. And don’t forget to make time for intimacy, even if you must log it in your day planner. Schedule sex? Absolutely, if necessary. Spontaneity is great, but if either of you hungers for affection or physical love, don’t wait for that special moment.

Another thing you shouldn’t wait for: chances to celebrate success. Grand Slam victors. Gold medal skiers. They all have one thing in common: When they win, they party. And even small victories deserve recognition. If your marriage is humming along, that alone is worth celebrating. Dine out where you proposed. Or book a trip to Australia. You’ve earned it.

3. Remember – nobody’s perfect. It’s tempting to blame your spouse when you feel angry, disappointed, bored, betrayed or stressed out about your marriage. Then it’s a short hop to seeing your mate as the one who must change for the marriage to improve.

That’s a cop out. Trying to improve your spouse puts him or her on the defensive and casts you in a dreary role. The result? Nobody changes. Nobody takes responsibility. Everyone is unhappy. And making your spouse the bad guy means ignoring the 90 per cent of him or her that’s good.

The true fix: Change yourself. When you address your own flaws and seek the best in your spouse, magic happens. Optimism increases. Your spouse feels better because he or she feels appreciated, not chastised. And you both feel motivated to change in ways that lead to even more joy.

One tip to help get you thinking this way: Adopt the Japanese philosophy of imperfection, wabi sabi (‘wah-bee sah-bee’), which applies well to real life love. Next time your partner does something annoying, take a breath, mutter ‘wabi sabi’ and remind yourself that his or her intentions are good, even if the execution isn’t. At the same time, don’t ignore what’s good in your spouse. Each day this month, pick something, big or small, that you like about him or her. Then name it. For example: ‘My wife is thoughtful’ or ‘My husband makes me laugh’. Then think of a specific act that backs it up: ‘She brushed the snow off my windshield last week.’ ‘If I’m feeling blue, he’ll joke me out of it.’

Finally honor your own imperfections. Sometimes we blame ourselves for everything that’s off kilter in our marriage. Too much guilt can paralyze. So, think of qualities you value, tell yourself you have them and think up real-world examples. ‘I am loving and kind – I gave my spouse the last cookie yesterday.’

4. Add some zing. The classic advice experts give to singles seeking a perfect match: Be ‘the one’ to attract ‘the ‘one’. Same goes in marriage. The happier you feel, the happier you marriage will be, and the easier it will be to managed conflicts. If 15 minutes of morning yoga, a switch to decaf, or a new hobby gives you a relaxed zing, the good feelings can’t help but lead to happier, richer moments together.

Meanwhile, admit it: You used to fuss over your hair and obsess over the sexiest item to wear in bed. Now, it’s stained sweats and a ratty Rolling Stones T-shirt. Time to spruce up your look. Comb that mane, brush those teeth and throw on a new robe. Feeling good about the way you look makes your eyes sparkle. You’re more likely to make eye contact. That sends a spark to your spouse.

5. Always fight fair. Conflict is a normal, even healthy, part of any marriage. What’s important is how you handle it. In a Florida study of longtime couples, joint problem solving ability was cited as a key factor for 70 per cent of satisfied pairs; just 33 per cent of unsatisfied couples had mastered this skill. With the right tools and attitude, conflict becomes a gateway to deeper intimacy – the chance to be seen and loved for who you truly are, to accept your mate’s adorable, vulnerable real self, and to build a strong union without caving in or silently seething.

First, steer clear of criticism, confrontation and hostility. They’re like gas on a fire. University of California researches who followed 79 couples for more than a decade found that early divorcers fought long and loud and were always on the attack – or the defensive. Happy couples, on the other hand, avoid verbalizing critical thoughts, keep discussions from escalating, and don’t use absolutes like ‘never’ and ‘always’.

If a fight does start, try to change the subject, inject gentle humor, empathize or show your spouse extra appreciation. Too late? Call a truce, walk away and cool off for a while.

6. Pick the right time and place. Don’t start potentially rough talks if you’re not well rested and well fed. Hunger and fatigue can unleash nasty remarks and dark thoughts. Ban booze for the same reason. Save it for when you’ve achieved détente. That’s worth a toast.

Don’t ever try to deal with serious marital issues if you’ve got one eye on something else. Turn off the TV, the phone, the laptop. Close the newspaper. If you’re distracted or going out the door, pick another time to talk. You can’t resolve conflicts on a fly.

Remember, too, that how you handle these situations does not just affect you. Is the conversation G-rated? Will it end up calmly or happily? If not, stop and reschedule the talk for when the children aren’t around. When they are, keep things respectful and productive. Research shows that children thrive (and absorb good relationships skills) when parents resolve their problems constructively, but they develop insecurities and behavior problems when exposed to hopeless shoutfests.

7. Open your ears. The single most powerful step you can take to keep a marriage solid? Speak less and listen more. Blame, insults, criticism and bullying predict a bad end, or at least a living hell. When talk turns combative, don’t interrupt, offer a solution or defend yourself too soon. When feelings are at issue, they need to be heard. So nod, rephrase or provide a soft ‘um-hum’ to show that you honor the emotions behind the words. Sometimes, all we really need to do to feel closer to someone is pay closer attention to what it is they’re saying.

source: Reader’s Digest Feb2008 issue, pg71-75

see also The 7 Stages of Marriage