Here’s a little something for our husbands this Father’s Day . . . . .
by Melanie T. Lim
Where do you find good ones? I’ve been asked so many times. Well, how would I know? I never found one for myself.
What’s a good husband, anyway? Someone who runs at your bidding? That would be your dog. Someone who lets you shop till you drop? That would be your father. Someone who listens to your never-ending woes? That would be your best friend. Someone who loves you no matter what? That would be your mother. Someone who knows exactly how to bring you pleasure? That would be you.
I think men who make good husbands abound. But what is good for one woman is not necessarily good for all. One man can make one woman, a good husband. The same man can make another, a lousy one. We grow up in different homes. We come from different backgrounds. And so we bring different expectations to a marriage.
One woman expects love and fidelity. Another expects financial security. Some women marry for love. Others marry for tradition. Some women expect bliss after the wedding. Some women expect sacrifice. Some women are forgiving. Some women are not open to compromise.
Different expectations conjure up different images of good husbands. Who doesn’t want a man who can cook, who can write poetry and who can move your furniture around when you want to? Well, I don’t. I want a man who can do what I can’t do. But that, my mother would say, is my biggest problem. But I don’t have a problem with a man not knowing how to do the things I can do. It’s he who usually has a problem with that.
There is no perfect man. But there is a perfect match for every woman. Most people think that like minds make a perfect match. But how much passion and excitement can you bring into a relationship when you both love pasta, salsa and Salvador Dali? If we thought, ate and dressed completely alike, how far could we really grow beyond ourselves and our common interests?
I think that a good husband is someone who does not necessarily love and like everything that you think, say or do but someone who endeavors to accept your eccentricities and experiences because his love for you is larger than his priorities and preferences. A good husband is a man who loves you for who you are and all that you hope to be in an imperfect world.
At different times in my life, I vacillated on the best reason for getting married. When I was young and starry-eyed, it was love. When I grew older and bitter, it became convenience. Now that I am yet much older but unexpectedly happier, I believe with all my heart that it should never be for anything but love.
So, where do you find good husbands? Well, every woman should know. Looking for a good husband is much like going shopping. When you know what you want, it’s fast and easy. But when you walk aimlessly through the mall, you mostly end up with impulse goods or nothing at all. If you want to find the man you want, you need to find yourself first. After all, it’s pretty easy to find what you want when you know what it is, even in the crowd.
Yes, time flies so fast.
that he won’t be here to personally get me the foods I will crave for.
